i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize