oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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