I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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