she smelled like a LAN party
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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