you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
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it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
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TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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