hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
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That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
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I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize