I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize