When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize