I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
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Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
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So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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