It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
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Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
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This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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