Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize