I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
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He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
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I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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