did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
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you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
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rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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