someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize