just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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