i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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