I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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