I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
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We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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