You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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