I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize