the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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