There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
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He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just had sex on a roof
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We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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