Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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