She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize