I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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