This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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