apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
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I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
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Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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