So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
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What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
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That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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