I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
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Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
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Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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