Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
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If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
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In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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