Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize