One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
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she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
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He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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