I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
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He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
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I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize