you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
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Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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