i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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