thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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