So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
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Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
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Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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