i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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