Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
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We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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