I need help removing her.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
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so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
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She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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