i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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