she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
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I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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