didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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