There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
This toilet bowl is my home.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize