Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize