there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
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There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
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In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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