Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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