i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
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Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
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Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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