matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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