Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize